Plaintive Wails From Planet Shit

The Ideological cornerstone of Modern GOP political theory

No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.-H. L. Mencken

Good God, here we fucking go again. In addition to the renewed flogging of that tired old al-Qaeda warhorse, the ongoing focus on the most ridiculously destructive wedge issue of all time: ABORTION and the fear and smear bread and butter tactics of scaring the bejesus out of simpleton yokels while screeching “unpatriotic” and “traitor” at opponents. Leave it to the recently ousted Paul Wolfowitz to blame it all on the liberal media. The two-time loser Wolfman who was recently run out of the World Bank on a rail after his bestowing of a lavish salary on his personal fuck buddy Shaha Ali Riza (an Arab of all things which must have gone over like an inconvenient burst of flatulence at those AIPAC Anonymous gatherings) who dumped him soon afterwards generated mass outrage bemoaned his fate with that baleful neocon lament that it was ALL the media’s fault. I am still trying to suppress a gag reflex at the thought of any woman doing the naked horizontal bop with that comb-sucking freak.

These people have absolutely no fucking shame! First they spend millions if not billions of dollars constructing a perpetual propaganda machine that makes Joseph Goebbels look like a rank amateur, further hedge their bets by consolidating nearly every fucking aspect of the mainstream media into five or six goliaths with interlocking directorates then use this vast electronic echo chamber to piss away an entire generation by selling them tabloid illusions as reality as well as instilling a deep seated free floating fear and the accompanying national meanness that comes with it and he actually has the balls to blame the pocket media for his Clintonesque worshipping of his own dick at the expense of any semblance of the sort of moral authority that could be reasonably expected from the president of the World Bank. But as we peasants are all too often reminded in the sordid land of post 9/11 Homeland Amerika the rules don’t ever apply to either neocons or other servants the three-headed monster of the Bush-Cheney-Rove Axis of Evil.

Jesus fucking Christ these people have no shame but I repeat myself.

I would be hard pressed to think of a more nauseating spectacle than the unctuous fraud John Boehner’s breaking into a blubbery jag of crocodile tears during the debate on the Iraq spending bill on Thursday. Times have changed, such an outburst ruined the political career of Ed Muskie in another era but then that was when high crimes and misdemeanors and fibbing about a blowjob was the trigger of impeachment proceedings. It was a performance for the ages that was so bad that it bordered on camp or the sort of faux macho cheese that you typically would find in an Arnold Schwarzenegger or Fred Thompson movie where the Alpha male musk fills the air like a ripe wheel chasing skunk that just met it’s match on the hottest day in July. It reminded me of that scene in the movie “Used Cars” where Toby the dog plays along with one of the lot lizard scams by playing dead to generate sympathy and guilt that would cause the prospective buyer to shell out money for the overpriced lemon that he would drive off the lot (the door fell off on the way out) – “that price is just too fucking high”! (I just had to slip that line in). Boner’s [sic] waterworks were right up there in terms of rank cynicism and in sneering insincerity as the tactics of any of the sleazeballs employed by the Fuchs Brothers on their competing lots and God knows in America there are ALWAYS buyers for that sort of lame horseshit – a land of suckers who breed like fucking rabbits and are ever proud to call themselves Republicans.

I know that it’s one hell of a statement to make regarding the less than becoming conduct of the House Minority Leader especially given the recent history of the best little whorehouse in Washington but his bawl baby routine is right up there with every act of sordid rottenness of the House that begat Newt Gingrich and Tom DeLay. It surpassed Ohio’s star spangled tomboy Jean Schmidt’s cowardly shanking of John Murtha, the banishment of John Conyers to a basement closet to conduct unofficial hearings on The Downing Street Memo, the calling of the Capitol police on Democrats by piss baby Republican sore winners, the routine tantrums of the jowly James Sensenbrunner and even the disgraced pervert Mark Foley’s cybersex with young boys during legislative sessions. I just can’t sugar coat it any more than that.

Le Enfant Terrible is taking Adolf Hitler’s advice to heart that “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed” invoked al-Qaeda 19 times during a hastily called press conference on Thursday. In repeating the talking point cadence to the army of red stated simian knuckledraggers Bush even managed to hit a new low for himself (no small accomplishment given his criminal career) by suggesting that the swarthy bearded ones were coming after the children of reporters who did not recognize that their primary duty was deference to the unitary executive and who refused to act as bobbleheads while engaging in their normal stenography. According to Dana Milbank of the Washington Post:

The session was called to draw attention to the fact that Democratic leaders had just caved in to Bush’s demand that the Iraq spending bill have no withdrawal timeline. But as frequently happens at presidential events these days, it quickly became al-Qaeda, all the time. Bush invoked the terrorist group 19 times and even suggested it was going after individual reporters’ kids.

“They are a threat to your children, David,” he advised NBC’s David Gregory.

“It’s a danger to your children, Jim,” Bush informed the New York Times’ Jim Rutenberg.

This last warning was perplexing, because Rutenberg has no children, only a brown chow chow named Little Bear. It was unclear whether Bush was referring to a specific and credible threat to Little Bear or merely indicating there was increased “chatter in the system” about chow chows in general.

At least a passing bird had sense enough to shit on our national fucking disgrace of a ‘war president’ by offering up a great exclamation point to the Rose Garden snake oil sale event. The Republicans are determined to play the terrorism card and to deal it from the bottom of the deck until either hell freezes over or until the feckless, slack jawed sheep in the Democratic majority finally get the stones to hold REAL hearings and start impeaching, arresting and hauling all of the vermin off to prison where the filthy motherfuckers belong. Rudy Giuliani can’t get three words out of his mouth without mentioning 9/11 and the remainder of the ideologically bankrupt goose stepper caucus parrots the party line as they always have. The Republican strategy always reminds me of that National Lampoon cover “If you don’t buy this magazine we’ll kill this dog”.

While armchair patriots across the land fired up their BBQ’s and swilled beer in honor of their three day weekends the ‘commander guy’ defiled the final resting place of America’s fallen heroes by dragging his draft dodging ass to Arlington National Cemetery to spew lame platitudes about such empty slogans as duty, honor and sacrifice for democracy. If the dead could only call bullshit on the sort of amoral politicians who ensured that they would end up at Arlington they might say something like this from Dalton Trumbo’s Johnny Got His Gun:

As for the Neville Chamberlain wing of the war party, the Democrats made much ado that Queen Hillary and Barrack Obama voted against the Bush Iraq Carte Blanche Enabling Act but lost in translation is that neither actually voted when the fate of the bill was still in question. Both of them slithered out from their DLC rocks well after their symbolic votes had lost their meaning but it’s good PR that will endlessly be pimped to the dumb asses happily awash in blissful ignorance in this attention deficit democracy. The Bob Schrum disciples will be sure to dissemble, spin post their swill on notorious Operation Mockingbird vacuum cleaner operation clearinghouses like Daily Kos and continue to talk a good fight while rolling over again and again for King George. At least Joe Biden cast his vote while the outcome hadn’t been decided which while more deserving of merit than Hillary and Obama’s cowardice shows that he has a tin ear outside of his regular appearances for Dick Cheney’s favorite lapdog Tim Russert on ‘Press The Meat’ and still can’t pull his foot out from that flaming bag of dogshit but in this twisted, sick bizarro world he proves even a one eyed man can be king in the land of the blinded albeit temporarily, such is the fleeting cognitive dissonance of the days of the Bushreich.

And finally, Satan’s Memorial Day pit BBQ was a smashing success as the Reverend Jerry Falwell’s fat ass was served basted with a nice chili chutney mixed with blackstrap molasses and slow roasted on a spit until well done.

You can always hear the people who are willing to sacrifice somebody else’s life. They’re plenty loud and they talk all the time. You can find them in churches and schools and newspapers and legislatures and congress. That’s their business. They sound wonderful. Death before dishonor. This ground sanctified by blood. These men who died so gloriously. They shall not have died in vain. Our noble dead.

Hmmmm..

But what do the dead say?

Did anybody ever come back from the dead any single one of the millions who got killed did any one of them ever come back and say by god I’m glad I’m dead because death is always better than dishonor? Did they say I’m glad I died to make the world safe for democracy? Did they say that I like death better than losing liberty? Did any of them ever say it’s good to think I got my guts blown out for the honor of my country? Did any of them ever say look at me I’m dead but I died for decency and that’s better than being alive? Did any of them ever say here I am I’ve been rotting for two years in a foreign grave but it’s wonderful to die for your native land? Did any of them say hurray I died for womanhood and I’m happy see how I sing even though my mouth is choked with worms?

Nobody but the dead know whether all these things people talk about are worth dying for or not. And the dead can’t talk. So the words about noble deaths and sacred blood and honor and such are all put into dead lips by grave robbers and fakes who have no right to speak for the dead. If a man says death before dishonor he is either a fool or a liar because he doesn’t know what death is. He isn’t able to judge. He only knows about living. He doesn’t know anything about dying. If he is a fool and believes in death before dishonor let him go ahead and die.

George Felix Allen: A Cornered Varmint

First he’s denouncing dark skinned volunteers of his opponent by using foreign slang terms that mean the same thing as what is potentially the most inflammatory slur in the English language that is the dreaded ‘N Word’ and then he claimed that he didn’t know what it meant. A few weeks later he threw a hissy fit when it came out that there was a bit of Jewish heritage on his mother’s side of the family but when his surprise and anger over being outed became a story unto itself he claimed that she never actually had told him his grandparents were Jews and by golly she made him yummy ham sandwiches and pork chops too.

It was such a display of bungling, phony ineptitude that he might as well as had the yiddish word for chump: SCHLEMIEL flashing in neon lights on his forehead. George Felix Allen has in the last two months proven nothing outside the ugly truth that he is a fraud, a bigot, an opportunistic stooge and to use one of the great critic H.L. Mencken’s favorite terms,a “mountebank” who is far more adept at fantastic feats of flip-flopping than a seasoned frycook at a busy Richmond francise location of that favorite peckerwood fine dining establishment known as The Waffle House.

And now in another story that that not only is the most inflammatory of all about the exploits of the dude rancher George Felix Allen mainly because it seems to tie all of those otherwise disparate quirks of his fondness over the nooses in his office (ironically an autoerotic asphyxiation fetish would probably now seem like a preferable explanation to a cornered racist) to an attraction to the Confederate flag despite not being from the south to his recently revealed youthful proclivity for tossing around the pejorative n*gger whenever he wasn’t stuffing bloody, severed deer heads into the mailboxes of black folks up in a nice big box adorned with a confederate flag colored ribbon. I can’t wait to see George Felix Allen’s inept campaign manager Dick Wadhams try to spin this latest story away

The latest and so far the greatest story about his phony comes courtesy of the website Salon and offers up these wonderfully tantalizing tidbits of pure red meat on the besieged dude ranch desperado:

“Allen said he came to Virginia because he wanted to play football in a place where ‘blacks knew their place,'” said Dr. Ken Shelton, a white radiologist in North Carolina who played tight end for the University of Virginia football team when Allen was quarterback. “He used the N-word on a regular basis back then.”

A second white teammate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he feared retribution from the Allen campaign, separately claimed that Allen used the word “nigger” to describe blacks. “It was so common with George when he was among his white friends. This is the terminology he used,” the teammate said.

A third white teammate contacted separately, who also spoke on condition of anonymity out of fear of being attacked by the Virginia senator, said he too remembers Allen using the word “nigger,” though he said he could not recall a specific conversation in which Allen used the term. “My impression of him was that he was a racist,” the third teammate said.

Shelton also told Salon that the future senator gave him the nickname “Wizard,” because he shared a last name with Robert Shelton, who served in the 1960s as the imperial wizard of the United Klans of America, a group affiliated with the Ku Klux Klan.
 That thing about nicknaming his buddy ‘Wizard’ just fucking kills me as it is just so indicative of the mentality of these red state yahoos who take pride in their regressive ignorance. You know that things are getting grim when even celebrity obsessed Newsweek is starting to run stories on the the dude rancher whose bid to be the heir apparent for George W. Bush/Ronald Reagan/John Wayne style of American cowboy iconography is cowering in the sagebrush hoping to avoid the posse .

George W. Bush and the Republican party leadership needs to take a serious and principled stand and denounce George Felix Allen’s recent conduct in a similar manner as to they did to Good Ole Boy Trent Lott when Bush himself strongly condemned the former Senate Majority Leaders’s slobbering testimonials to the infamous bigot Strom Thurmond back in 2002. The big difference is then they had the ultimate American fraud, the penultimate lackey and the completely unprincipled charlatan Bill Frist waiting in the wings with marching orders to ram through Congress every legislative priority of the Bush-Cheney-Rove Axis of Evil balanced on the backs of the regressive, rubber fetus waving toads of the religious right who were spoiling for a fight and led by Frist and Tom DeLay turned the Florida hospice wherein lay the wasting body of Terri Schiavo into their own version of the Alamo.

But I digress…

In the lead up to the November elecions it is very apparent that the Bush administration and specifically Karl Rove don’t want to do anything to potentially piss off the Jesus juicing, NASCAR watching, angry redneck contingent of the hard core party base in ‘peckerwood nation’ down south of the Mason Dixon line. In fact there are surely millions who actually dig the fact that George Felix Allen is a dyed in the wool, rebel flag flying, epithet spewing, football talkin’, tobacco chewing manly man who loves to schmooze with neo-Confederate, white supremacists who hang out at rebel power hate-fests like the annual American Renaissance bacchanals of bigotry.

These same knuckle dragging freaks gave us George W. Bush in the first place and if not for George Felix Allen’s ugly self-immolation would be die hard and damned proud of it ‘Allen Lumpen Republicans’ in 2008. Now they will have to go find some other theocratic bigot who has at least some degree of crossover appeal to the restive moderates that were always looking for that man in the white hat to ride in to keep the savages at bay.

George Felix Allen will be soundly whupped next month but with his brother Bruce running an incredibly lousy NFL franchise down in Tampa Bay there will always be a job for GFA, even if it is for a ballboy and hey, after all nepotism is HUGE in the GOP.

George Felix Allen may or may not be the type of guy that would light a burning cross on a black family’s lawn but I would sure as hell bet that he would gladly come over to toast a marshmallow or two over the flames if he saw one.

George Felix Allen: Dude Rancher On the Roof

The rapidly snowballing troubles of George Felix Allen of Virginia continue to mount much to the chagrin of those political consultants who not long ago were drooling over their career making turns at transforming him into the second coming of Ronald Reagan as well the delight of those who have seen through the blatantly phony horsehockey of his dude ranch cowboy act from day one.

You can count me in with the latter.

The latest and perhaps most devastating blow to George Felix Allen’s presidential aspirations is not only the revelation that his Grandfather and namesake Felix Lumbroso was Jewish but his total freak out after it was brought up by a reporter causing Allen to blow his stack:

“Yesterday, I found it especially reprehensible that a reporter would impugn the attitudes of my mother, as Ms. Peggy Fox did in her first question at the Fairfax County Chamber of Commerce Senate debate. My mother and father both taught me to abhor bigotry, and Ms. Fox’s suggestion to the contrary was deeply offensive.”

 George Felix Allen soon discovered that after his anger at the exposure of his Jewish heritage drew denouncements for his overreaction that he suddenly found himself flailing away at Tony Snow’s infamous metaphoric ‘tar baby’ by having to simultaneously defend himself against accusations that he was ashamed of rather than proud of acknowledging the Jews in his family closet as well as having to deal with this betrayal of the white supremacy of the most vile elements of the rebel flag waving, racist base that he has so carefully sought to curry favor with. The one thing that has me laughing my ass off is the indignity of Allen’s (inept and likely soon to be looking for work) campaign manager Dick Wadham’s apoplectic comments that:

“Introducing religion at all into the debate was inappropriate.”

Now there is a real knee-slapper, Dick Wadham’s outrage is priceless for the simple reason that the introduction of religion into the debate is exactly how Karl Rove always operates. Using religion has long suited Rove and the ruthless political operatives of the Republican one party fascist government and their allies amongst the hate-filled zealots of the ‘Christian’ right and is a subject that has been staked out for decades and used as a bludgeon on opponents who have been as helpless as baby seals before the trappers’ clubs. The crying criers of the right and their victimization industry are as quick to cry foul and threaten to take their toys home as the neighborhood bully who has finally picked on the wrong kid and gotten smacked in the chops by some nebbish child who resembles a young Alan Colmes.

You can certainly understand George Felix Allen’s desperate outburst; having for so long played up his faux cowboy ally of the confederacy image his political career is going down in catastrophic flames with the ugliness of a gruesome traffic accident that has rubber-neckers gazing in awe at the wreckage as they drive by. This was a man who was riding tall in the saddle as recently as two months ago and was in the process of ring kissing the holier than thou powerbrokers of the Council For National Policy in advance of his potential coronation as the inheritor of the keys to the White House from the current trail boss with the big-assed belt buckle George W. Bush and then was set upon by the dreaded curse of the macacca that was conjured up by his own tongue and ever since it’s been one long march towards the inevitable bloody doom of the confrontation at the OK Corral and no matter how hard that he tries to otherwise convince his base Allen is not on the side with the Earp Brothers and the Doc anymore.

It wasn’t that long ago that George Felix Allen was the steadfast John Wayne type riding in to protect the fort of ‘American values’ that has been under siege from the godless savages of a ruthless, godless, secular liberal enemy that could not be reckoned with that had aligned itself with the criminal ilk of the ‘welfare society’, a man who could be counted on to deliver the desired American apartheid and to wear the shining star of the town marshal who would serve as strong daddy protector to this great land.

I cannot help but enjoy the Schadenfreude that the same country folks who would have been honored to hook up his glorious, red, white and blue float in a victory parade for American Christian values to the chrome hitch of their battered pick-up trucks for a star spangled ride down Main Street turn on him like the treacherous pit vipers that they are. Now that he has been forced to acknowledge that his bloodlines included a Jew many of his former supporters would likely now be very happy to drag George Felix Allen down Main Street behind their Ford F/350’s at the end of a rope.

The perennially perturbed peckerwoods will now abandon George Felix Allen by the boatload, sadly not for his pathological fraudulence but rather for his newly perceived racial and religious impurity. What is even better is that he will now also be shunned by many of the high-rollers of the country club set who play golf and talk business in settings that explicitly frown upon having Jews as members and will from now on picture the man in the white Stetson on the fine horse as just another dude ranch imposter riding into town on a broken down jackass and wearing a threadbare yarmulke.

George Felix Allen’s ‘High Noon’ moment, his showdown, his saddling up on the back of that trusty steed of the legendary archetypical American western macho has been cut short as he will soon find that he will be shot in the back three or four steps short of that standard ten that true gunslingers that live by the Western code of honor take for granted during a duel.