A Happy Holiday Hosing to All

Christmas is coming and it will be a sad occasion in the tent cities and other homeless shelters that are a result of the mammoth, sans lube ass fucking delivered by the American oligarchy and it’s whores like that vile corrupt little bastard Joe Lieberman in D.C., Wall Street bagman Barack Obama has delivered a veritable sleighful of same old shit instead of the change that was promised, the worn and threadbare stockings are going to be as empty as his campaign promises and the souls of Wall Street bankers. In yet another of the craven cave-ins by the Vichy DemocRAT party the shit pit Senate commanded by one former Nevada Gaming Commissioner Harry Reid has gutted any sort of health care ‘reform’ short of arming the insurance parasites and empowering them to force the financially doomed to buy protection money, considering Harry’s rumored affiliation with organized crime is it really any surprise that it came to this? Yesterday it was Lansky Lieberman’s baseball bat strike to the kneecaps that killed the new 55 year old age lowering for Medicare eligibility (which would satisfy my personal needs – fuck everyone else and the public option too…I am going native in the land of ‘fuck you I got mine) and today it’s smacking down the importation of pharmaceuticals from Canada. Bring out the leeches! Oh, don’t bother, they’re already here.

So we once again arrive at the ‘most wonderful time of the year’, the right-wing freaks are again shrieking about the phony librul [sic] War on Christmas, this time plumbing the depths of the deranged mind of peckerwoods, Beckers and Palinazis with the ludicrous claim that phony librul Obama had scheduled his presidential address on December 1st to preempt that great American traditional holiday treat A Charlie Brown Christmas. This latest upchucking of fascist media bile even tops the typical Yuletide green vomit spew of Bill O’Reilly and the rest of the FOX Nazis, it seems to me that for one thing Obama was giving the speech to announce the escalation of the war in Afghanistan and we all know that war and murdering Muslim babies is as beloved to the savage chickenhawk cowards on the right as Grandma’s sweet potato pie and secondly wasn’t one of the big themes of A Charlie Brown Christmas the creeping commercialism that had taken over Christmas to begin with? I mean here in the near fully evolved Capitalist shithole of dog eat dog Murka Santa and the retailers, credit card companies and Madison Avenue pimps long ago triumphed over Jesus who has played second banana to the jolly fat man in the red suit for decades now. Gotta give it to the right wing freaks, their sense of history is as distorted as ever and it’s just more piss in the egg nog for everyone else.

So anyway, I want to throw out a few Christmas thoughts before my annual holiday hiatus from blogging (I will return after the first of the year) and foremost I want to give a nice big thank you to Citibank’s top flesh eating buzzard Vikram ‘the bandit’ Pandit. Your government subsidized den of usury and iniquity sent me out a nice little statement on my credit cards (which I had for year and NEVER missed a payment date on) that announced that I could either choose to keep your little plastic devil cards and agree to a 30 + percent interest rate or opt-out by a specified date and keep my old terms. Thanks for the warning fuckwad and thanks even more for this list of stuff that I, Ed Encho have put on your cards prior to my opting out and then advising my lawyer to send you my intention to file bankruptcy letters in the next few months:

1 – 2 year subscription to International Socialist Review
1 – digital camera
1 – Blu Ray player
1 – Inglourious Basterds Blu Ray
1 – Dark Knight Blu Ray
1 – Gladiator Saphire Edition Blu Ray
1 – V for Vendetta Blu Ray
1 – Acer Netbook mini-computer
1 – iPod nano 6th generation (16 gbs)
5 – cases Samuel Adams beer
4 – cases Budweiser
3 – 1.75 liter bottles of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum
1 – 1.75 liter bottle of Grand Marnier
2 – Quarts of Jack Daniels sippin’ whiskey
4 – Gallons assorted Gallo jugs of wine
3 – Spiral Sliced Hams (avg. 7 lbs)
2 – Butterball frozen turkey breasts
5 – lbs gourmet coffee
1 – programmable deluxe coffee maker
5 – Assorted Video Games
1 – Drive By Truckers CD
1 – REM Live CD
1 – Each remastered Beatles CD’s (Abbey Road, White Album, Sgt. Pepper)
5 – pounds fresh 20-25 shrimp
5 – pounds fresh snow crab legs
2 – Boxes of 48 miniature cordial chocolate liquor bottles
2 – Cheescake Factory 12 individual sliced cheesecakes
10 lbs – Planters Dry Roasted peanuts
5 lbs – Macadamia nuts
6 – Assorted dog chew toys (moose, duck, bobo, holiday bobo, raccoon, pig and hedgehog)
1 – Deluxe dog bed
1 – Dinner for four at the Outback restaurant along with appetizers (the coconut shrimp are just fucking great) and drinks.

So you little pigfucker, I would like to thank you from myself, my family and my friends for all of the great swag that I have run up in the last few weeks on Citi’s dole and I still have nine more shopping days to go, just under 2,000 left (can you say PARTY TIME) of available credit and thirteen more days until the opt out deadline. I would strongly encourage every other American who is on to the scam to do likewise. It’s a way to boost the economy by buying shit during the season and to shaft you sleazy pricks on the back end.

And if there is anything I hate more than the very concept of Christmas and what it has mutated into in Capitalist America – malls full of morons, political operatives using the season to pander to the angry white fuckwads who have been deprived of it all for their entire pathetic lives, having to be nice to people who you ordinarily would sooner rip their throats out, relatives straight out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – it is the inconvenient little truth that it’s not even Jesus’s birthday, it is an arbitrary date plucked from the ass of the Roman Emperor Constantine in something like the Fourth Century, don’t tell that to the Palinazi zombies though. You see my friends, Christmas is bullshit, it has been eaten alive by Santa Claus and same pus filled, four-flushing scumbags who are arbitrarily altering the rules on credit card accounts in the aftermath of their bloodsucking feast at the taxpayer trough. It’s all phony and here in Chumpland the suckers eat it up.

And one of the most hypocritical and dishonest aspects of the holiday season is having to pretend to like people who are complete assholes, ignoramuses, blowhards, bigots and the worst of them all: Republicans. A wasted night, usually on a Saturday when there are the NCAA football conference championship games on and spent amidst a gaggle of boring, self-centered idiots who know nothing of history, economics, civics or a concept of what really goes on in the world that is more advanced than the cartoon bullshit that passes for the news in this rotting empire. I must qualify my disdain for these parties in that I do make a distinction between family gatherings and parties with close friends rather than co-workers or the even more dreadful spouse’s co-workers. These affairs are intolerable, the music sucks, the company is bad and often times since they are pot luck events the food is even worse.

A particularly embarrassing and rather disgusting experience that has haunted me for quite awhile comes to mind. One year despite knowing better I allowed myself to be dragged to a Christmas party despite having a gastrointestinal virus (not a good thing for those who suffer from the dreaded I.B.S. to begin with. Now at this party there were about thirty people crammed into a smallish two bedroom suburban house with one and a half bathrooms. Now when the beer and booze are flowing at these sort of soirees there is always a wait for the use of the facilities as the evening goes on. Now combine the aforementioned gastrointestinal virus, I.B.S. and some food that is served (I believe that it was some sort of dip that did it) are a seriously problematic combination. Now when you take into consideration the long lines to use the john, the perfect storm comes together, a category four bowel storm to put it more precisely.

By the time that I painfully winded my way down the hallway, doubled over in agony and feeling like the alien was gestating inside of me I was able to make it inside the bathroom. My pants were already down before the door was fully closed and I just managed to park upon the porcelain a split second before what felt like three cubic feet of volcanic mud erupted from my ass at terminal velocity. I know that this is pretty gross but now comes the truly horrifying part. The shitstorm was so fierce that it flew up the back of the throne and soaked the synthetic fur cover of the toilet seat. So now in addition to having a hallway full of angry revelers about to piss in their pants ready to break down the door it was necessary to work very quickly to wash out the toilet cover – unfortunately it was the half bath so the sink was the only place available. The best that I could do was to get the festive Christmas red and white fur toilet seat cover back to more of a maroon and beige and then still half dripping back onto the lid which I propped up again and slithered away hoping that nobody would make the connection and blame me for it. Then I immediately got into my car without saying goodbye and drove like hell away from the scene of the crime.

Now before anybody gets a really negative idea about my character I must admit that I made the whole thing up but you get the point. I did however attend a party once where a lady from the office got so shitfaced that she passed out on the boss’s bed and then once the room started spinning out of control vomited a malodorous mess of jungle juice punch, egg nog and half-digested mini-meatballs and little smokies all over what looked to be a very expensive white fur comforter. Since I loathed both of them I laughed so hard that I nearly really did shit my pants.

If there is a silver lining to the coming economic collapse it is that the caterwauling little monsters at the mall will no longer be able to get everything that they want because daddy and mommy’s plastic is maxed out once and for all. This country has been submerged in shit largely because of the ignorant toxic waste generation who were children during the Reagan years along with their greedy, self-indulgent, boorish materialism who have for too long been taught that ignorance is a virtue and who have been weaned suckling at the tit of instant gratification. For the first time in these little spoiled brat’s lives they are going to finally learn the meaning of the word NO because after the dismal results for this holiday season are announced there will be more store and restaurant closures, commercial property defaults and millions of additional lost jobs as corporations continue to cut deeper to the bone with no further vision than the quarterly earnings statement. The corporations who rigged the system to monopolize America are now going to have to deal with something entirely new – a beggared population who can’t afford a pack of fucking ramen noodles let alone the must have junk and gadgetry that all children ages 3 to 70 with an available line of credit have become accustomed to. I really hope that the coming hardship and era of austerity will make better people of the average American (and this starts with the children) ‘consumer’ (I hate that term, it’s so fucking dehumanizing) as they are forced to live within their means and to enjoy the simple things in life. Hell, my grandparents and their generation survived a depression, fought a world war, were civically active and well informed and managed to create the most advanced and wealthy society in modern history before the baby boomers and Generation Reagan fucked it all up.

So you happy hosed Murkans this is it for this morning’s rant and for the rat bastard plague year of 2010 when even the illusion of being fucked with a smile was shattered. HO HO HO and may your holiday be bright.

Just my two cents over the morning cup o’ joe

EE

ps: During a visit to my local Borders on last week’s Citibank sponsored shopping spree I was a bit aghast to see a pyramid built out of hundreds of Glenn Beck’s ghostwritten hunk of asswipe Arguing With Idiots (you know, the one with Dear Leader on the cover in a fucking East German Stasi uniform) along with smaller displays of Sarah Palin’s ghostwritten tome and for good measure another nice display of Glenn Beck’s Christmas Sweater book (a straightjacket would be far more appropriate). Borders and the rest of the retailers should just do the right thing and donate all of that overpriced, moronic drivel to the poor so that they can burn something in their fireplaces for heat this winter. Happy Holidays to All!

Righteous Kill

A Fascist Bully Finally Pisses off the Wrong Person

The cold civil war is about to go hot, in an astounding but in my opinion commendable shooting on Friday a hateful, vile pornographer named James Pouillon was removed from this mortal coil. In another of those increasingly frequent incidents in this roiling cauldron of hate known as Der Homeland a worn down, pushed to the limit, fucked over and stressed out man went on a rampage – another human time bomb exploded in Owosso Michigan. Responsible for blowing away Pouillon, a real piece of human (and I use the term extremely loosely) filth was one Harlan James Drake who killed at least one other person and was likely going to go on a score-settling rampage were he not caught. Drake was offended at the pornographer Pouillon and his display of obscene imagery (had he whipped out and wiggled his dick it would have been less offensive)in front of children so he pulled up in front of the old lard ass and sent him on to his great reward. If there is such a place as Hell may the devil already have his pitchfork three-quarters up porky Pouillon’s ass.

Not that I am advocating acts of violence or anything but it just brings me great delight to see one of these rotten fuckers finally get his. Of course the Christofascists, the rubber fetus army, the Beckers, Deathers, Birthers, peckerwoods, haters and assorted other miscreants who are the strongest argument for retroactive abortion that I could ever conceive of are all shrieking in outrage, an emotion that they just can’t muster when a doctor is murdered in his own goddamn church, jackbooted thugs deliver stompings to gays or a black man is dragged behind a pickup truck until his body comes apart. Goddamned hypocrites are they and yesterday’s righteous kill of the vermin in Michigan is only going to make them increasingly angry and looking to settle the score with the damned libruls. While perusing the darker corners of the internet this morning I have already seen FREEPERS, Stormfronters and their ilk braying for blood. And today is of course the day of the fascist march on Washington – eerie how history always repeats itself although not exactly. Look for more of this sort of treason as there is no short supply of morons, dupes, walking retards and FOX lobotomized zombies showing up like jagoffs at these ridiculous fucking tea parties and in a historical context throwing their bodies in front of liberty in order to protect the interests of the British Monarchy. Hell, if Obama had any balls he’d call out the guard and have them turn the firehoses on the scum, wash em back into the sewers where they belong and then weld the manhole covers shut to keep em therse. Maybe chuck in a few cannisters of cyanide gas to exterminate the rats.

But this is Amerika and the oligarchy and corporate rulers must ensure that they stay in power so their neutered little puppet president will continue to dance and the useful idiots in the streets whose insipid and pathetic little lives allow them to be used as tools by the highly paid stooges and propagandists who serve as the oligarchy protection racket. I would bet that at least 3/4 of them have good intentions but as sheep being led to the slaughter haven’t a clue on who the true enemy is, but of coure the Democrats turned their back on such folks long ago for political expedience and corporate graft. The poor, stupid dopes actually believe the garbage that they watch on television and are fed a diet of feckless liberal scapegoats who are scared of their own fucking shadows, reek of cowardice and decry the Second Amendment when they should be arming themselves to the teeth for the day that the hordes are unleashed and General Bethlehem Beck decress that it’s open season on them. It’s coming soon too idiots and the gunning down of Porky Pig Pouillon may very well be the spark that sets the whole fucking thing ablaze. The fascist scum have already canonized Gerbil Joe Wilson for his “You Lie!” breach of etiquitte during the Pope of Hope’s address on Wednesday and neoNazis like Randall Terry will surely be plotting a counter response while turning the pornographer Pouillon into a martyr.

I predict that the marches on Washington will increase and that if the Beckers don’t succeed in doing a JFK on Obama that there will be similar conditions to those back in 1933 when economic despair was channeled by corporatists and oligarchs to attempt a fascist coup against FDR, they made the grave mistake of trying to get the wrong man to lead it and General Smedley D. Butler instead ratted them out like the loyal American that he was – this won’t appear in any history books that preach the revisionist gospel of John Wayne’s America and indoctrinate our youth to be little Eichmanns, good Germans who will grow up to be perfect workers in the bloody bidness of expanding the Empire abroad and smashing dissent at home.

Just my two cents over the mornin’ cup o joe

EE

All Aboard the Tea Party Express!!

“Hey, Rube” is an old-timey phrase, coined in the merciless culture of the traveling carnival gangs that roamed from town to town in the early 20th century.

Every stop on the circuit was just another chance to fleece another crowd of free-spending Rubes – Suckers, Hicks, Yokels, Johns, Fish, Marks, Bums, Losers, Day Traders in Portland, fools who buy diamonds from gypsies, and anyone over the age of nine in this country who still believes in his heart that all cops are honest and would never lie in a courtroom.

These people are everywhere. They are Legion, soon to be a majority, and 10,000 more are being born every day. It was P.T. Barnum, the Circus man, who explained the real secret of his vast commercial success by repeating his now-famous motto, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” in this country, ahd his job was to keep them amused, with a zeal that has never been equaled in the history of American show business.

Barnum knew what people wanted: Freaks, Clowns, and Wild Animals. The Barnum & Bailey Circus came to town only once a year, and those days were marked as sacred holidays on the John Deere calendars of every Rube in America…. Those dates were special; many schools closed when the Circus came to town, and not every student returned when the public frenzy was over. “Running away with the Circus” was the dream of every schoolboy and the nightmare of every mother with a bored and beautifyl daughter.

– Hunter S. Thompson